Thursday, November 14, 2013

Thank Me - Not Jesus



Don't you hate it when a pious Christian imbecile intentionally mis-deploys to Jesus the proper appreciation, acknowledgement, praise, and credit due when you do something for them? You know - the same way your lousy chiseler of a manager at your place of employment (just speaking hypothetically of course),  would take credit (and bonus money) for some good shit you came-up with... 

Right? 

That's the same way I felt when a relative called ME because she was in a temporary financial pinch - and when I came through - on time, with the help-out, the first thing she did was completely turn her back to me - look up at the ceiling, and then exhale at the top of her lungs: "THANK YOU JESUS!!!!" Well of course - me being who I am, took immediate offense to this shit. When she came to her senses, her thanks to me was damn near under her breath, like somebody was forcing her to do it. I told her ignorant ass: "Jesus did not have anything to do with this transaction." 

Why? Because:

1. She called ME to borrow the money - if she had Jesus' number, she should have called HIM.

2. I did not hear anything about Jesus going into his pockets to materially assist the situation - nor did I see his ass at the location.

3. Jesus did not bother driving my ass over there at 11pm, or offer to drive my tired ass back home at 2am, nor did he extend to put gas in my car.

4. If Jesus did offer to materially assist, she did not inform me. Does "The Lord" have to "move in mysterious ways" with everything?

5. And if he did have something to do with this, why were the degrees of aggregated gratitude expended so passionately and disgracefully unevenly? I want to know why the thanks to him was as powerful and effusive as a multiple orgasm popping-off in her mouth and pussy at the same time - but to thank me - it sounded like the bitch was squeezing-out a tight turd that had been plugging her ass for a week.

Bitch...

She then tried to smooth it over by telling me that: "Jesus guided her to me." What? Well - if that is what he did - that in itself shows what a cheap motherfucker he is... Instead of acting fully as the all-powerful "King Of Kings" that many Christians tell me that he is, and therefore, we may reasonably assume - be fully capable of reaching into his universally flush pockets, and actually giving her the money his goddamned self - he, in this instance, functioned at about the same level as a concierge or a valet. She could have gotten more help from directory assistance. Jesus said: "Call Arthur," and the son-of-a-bitch kept HIS money in HIS pockets. That was it. (Was I supposed to tip him too? OK.) Maybe, in his infinite wisdom he knew that my relative did not always pay motherfuckers back on time: "Let Arthur give her the money..."

Christ or Chiseler? - Who the fuck knows?

Atheists like myself have to deal with this kind of "faith-based" arrogance all the time. It is all so stupid and selective. Jesus gets all the praise when good shit is happening - but when things fuck-up, somehow, Jesus is deleted immediately out of the set of possible blamemees, and the Devil or some demon, or ME is usually chosen instead, and pressed into blamed service, or the bullshit is quickly passed-off as "God's Will" - so as to promptly shut-down questioning, inquiry, or examination. Can Christian Motherfuckers really tell the difference between what situations are due to "God's Will," or not, and can they clearly identify what situations are actually the handiwork of "The Devil" - or some other supernaturally sourced nefariousness? They say they can... Really? No - really, how are those motherfuckers able to do this?

Please...

Makes about as much sense as that "I'll pray for you" bullshit. You know - that all-purpose bromidic irritant Christians piss at you when they are inwardly overjoyed that you are going through some shit, but at the same time, trying to out-front you and the rest of the world into believing that they are actually and actively "concerned" about what you are going through.

But...

On a larger level - "I'll pray for you" is a kind of insistent marketing to the world-wide gullible. Like prayer actually has some kind of utility or value. If prayer truly worked - that would be all you had to do. No phone calls to me or anyone else would have to be made... That would be all anyone had to do. OK? It would be just you and Jesus - doing what needed to be done.

I have thousands of Christian Motherfuckers around the country supposedly "praying for" me. Time they find out I'm an Atheist - that's the first thing that flies out of their fucking mouths: "I'm gonna pray for you." All that praying - and I haven't won the lottery yet. So I know they are full of shit. "Praying for" me - right? Get the fuck outta here.

When someone tells you this bullshit - have YOU seen them actually pray - for anybody? Come on now - have YOU ever seen this being done? You know what I mean - the hands clasped, the knees down, doing all the "Amens" - that shit - it being done with deliberation and specificity for a particular individual? No?

OK...

Another thing - have you ever noticed that when somebody says that they are going to "pray for you" - that so-called "prayer" is never backed-up with any time, any hands, or any resources? Right? Notice how fast Christian Motherfuckers walk away from you after they tell you they'll "pray for you?"

"Yeahhhh man - I'll pray for you!!!" - Slam!!! - Gone...

Come to think of it - the next time she needs money from me, I am going to tell her that I won't loan the money. No... Instead of ME doing something materially - I am going to properly assist her on a "spiritual" level... I am going to "pray for" her instead. Right? Let Jesus handle it - in its entirety. With her being a Christian, she shouldn't have a problem with this. Really man - if Jesus is going to get "all the glory" - when that bitch needs to borrow again, she should rightly allow JESUS to lend her "all the money."

It is that simple...