Sunday, November 27, 2011

"God Ain't Finished With Me Yet"

Michelangelo's "The Creation of Adam" - The Sistine Chapel

"Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6 KJV).

PARENTAL ADVISORY: Extreme Indignation / Very Rough Language / Implied Violence / Blasphemy / Liberal in-group usage of the "N"-word.

A recent telephone conversation between me and a relative:

Me: OK C_____ , how in the motherfucking fuck did you fuck-up paying your mama’s gas bill on time? All you had to do was walk six funky-assed blocks to the goddamned fucking office niggaaah!!!

Relative: Aw Arthur, man I just got caught-up in some other shit, and I lost track of time… You know how it is cuz… You know what I’m sayin'?

Me: No, I don’t know what you’re sayin’ nigger. But I do know I had to pay a fucking late fee that was unnecessarily incurred because of your slow ass. OK nigga? I don’t want my favorite cousin’s shit cut off because of some stupid fucking nigga-assed shit. OK? You really need to stop fucking-off and get your shit together man.

Relative: Aw Arthur – you don’t have to come down on me like that man. You know how it is cuz... God ain’t finished with me yet... OK?

(Steam rushes out the ears at this point)

Me: What did you say? Whaaat?!!! “God ain’t finished" with you yet?! Oh… OK… "God ain't finished" huh? 

(Taking the deep breath at this point)

Ok... Umm... How old are you C_____ ?

Relative: Forty three.

Me: FORTY Whaaat?!!!

Relative: FORTY THREE MAN!!! Forty three.

Me: Forty motherfucking three - OK… Let’s... Let's process this… So you’re telling me that the same god that took exactly SIX DAYS to create an entire universe, somehow requires forty three and more YEARS to complete YOUR sorry ass… Is that what you're fucking telling me?!!!

Relative: Aw man… Come on cuz….

(Steam rushing out harder and hotter at this point)

Me: Come on shit nothing!!! OK? Now - since we know God moves in mysterious ways, and we can’t question the motherfucker on top of that, that means the rest of us can’t figure out OR ask where YOU are on his to-do list. And because you've also declared yourself an incomplete project of divine handiwork - that means that the rest of us motherfuckers have to just suck it up and without question ACCEPT your trifling-assed bullshit for HOWEVER long, while YOU are still under construction...

Is THAT what you're telling me motherfucker?!!!

Relative: I, um... I’m getting it together cuz...

Me: Look NIGGER - I know you get paid on the 15th. I will swing by that night to get my fucking money. Just have THAT together... OK?


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