Where Do You Get Your Morals?

CHRISTIAN: WELL...Where do you get your morals!!!?

ME: Oh... Corn flakes - of course.

CHRISTIAN: Whaaat!?

ME: Yes - corn flakes. Most people would be shocked at how much anointing and moral force is contained within a simple box of corn flakes... A word of caution though; just as in Christianity, OK - in order to be assured of complete salvation, and sufficiently filled by the Holy Spirit, it is necessary, to use the right Bible and follow the correct interpretation. In Atheism - the same rules apply... You cannot become morally correct unless you eat the RIGHT corn flakes... Only by eating Kellogg's - that's RIGHT... Kellogg's - let me say it again: Kellogg's Corn Flakes - Amen, can you be assured of the kind of righteous awakening - Amen, ANNND moral certitude (yes) that will take you into a real heaven (Las Vegas)!!!

Can I get a WITNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!?

A cracker and a glass of wine becoming the body and blood of Jesus? Ahhh... Sorry my friend, that is not going to cut it anymore... That was The Old Revelation - you know... The revelation that was revealed by the god that never existed. The New Revelation (from ME - I exist) - reveals that you do not have to consult a particular clergyman, attend a particular church, or adhere to a particular scripture. That is over and gone. No matter what denomination you presently belong to - or, if you don't belong to anything... A great moral awareness can emerge spontaneously from within - just by ingesting the blessed and Holy Trinity of Flakes, Milk, and Sugar. Try it, my friend, for once in your life, you need to open your eyes (and your mouth) - Amen, to experience the crunch of true salvation...

I forgot: Be careful, my friend... Don't lose your soul, and inadvertently become a tool of the Devil by eating the wrong corn flakes from other manufacturers. Eating off-brand corn flakes is nothing but a deception and a gateway to hell. Only Kellogg's Corn Flakes - Ayymen! - can evoke the highest favor, the greatest blessings, and the best moral understanding.

I eat them every day...

Religiously.

Now... Where do you get YOUR morals?