Sunday, May 30, 2010

"Go Back To Africa"

I was talking with an associate recently about a verbal incident that culminated in him being told to “go back to Africa.” I thought he was unnecessarily upset – he should have looked at it as a joke. Anyone that says this has either "run-out," or never even had a decent insult... A real dumbass. I am an avid literacy-lover that appreciates the sheer linguistic artistry of a good insult. Really - if you are going to take the time to insult me, say something that I can appreciate (and steal).

The funny thing about the “go back to Africa” hardball, is that in my own experience, this insult is usually thrown by white people that have not been in the United States very long, and do not know English very well. Ninety per cent of the time when this ball was hurled my way – it was usually from someone with a heavy Eastern-European accent.

“Spell Africa!” I would retort.

“Ssspeeel Aaafrikka?!!!!!!” They would respond. “Aaahhh… DurrrrYOU Ssspeeel Aaafrikka… JurrYourr Bleck Mudderrr Pucker!”

I have heard of others being advised about immediate relocation to Africa by Mexicans, Laotians, Koreans, Irish, Australians, Greeks, Italians, et cetera. The common thread that seems to tie all of these self-appointed travel consultants together, is that they all have those thick “old-country” accents, broken English, and five years or less of residence in the United States. And once they gain citizenship – they boldly raise the ignorant nerve to attempt to relegate folks that were here (and working) – long before this country became a country.

None of these new immigrants seem to be aware of the fact that the American genealogy of 90% of Black people is much longer than that of most presently living white Americans. I also notice that NONE of these immigrants tell American white folks to go anywhere (why not?). I don’t know where they get this shit from. Maybe telling Black folks to “go back to Africa” was part of their citizenship training.

Who the fuck knows?

This “go back to Africa” missile flies out of white folks mouths so often that I wonder if they have lost their creativity. This shit is so old and redundant. They have been saying this “go back” stuff since we were released from slavery (“Can’t use you no more... So why don’t you leave?”). I mean – if white folks are going to continue to make a habit of insulting and cussing-out Black people, they could at least spend a little time to expand their vocabularies and come-up with more innovative words, phrases, combinations and applications.

Hey - I even know of some Mexicans that are presently learning how to say “nigger” in Chinese ("AHHHS-S-Sooo-NNigggg-uh!!! - Oh!").

"Now... Come-on white folks – you really need to step it up!"

So far in my life - as of this writing:

- I have been told to, “Go Back To Africa” exactly 57,526 times.
- Been called a “Black Mother-Fucker” exactly 853,419 times. And
- been called a “Nigger” exactly 19,658,244 times.

I keep count - so what... Now - there are points in many people’s lives that will get jaded to certain things. I’m a guy that harbors extremely “controversial” thoughts and dispenses solid but uncompromising speech. Trigger cocked, and ready to rock, right then and there. White or Black. You give ME shit, I give YOU shit, no time wasted, no dead air. Impatient and imprudent. So, a certain amount of excited invective is bound to come my way, just as a matter of course. This “go back to Africa” stuff is just one of the ways that the shit comes to me. Ok?

For example:

I met a white guy in Mississippi that hated Black people so much - he could say “nigger” at the astounding rate of 22.6 times a second.

I kid you not!

After one good conversation with me – this cracker-motherfucker’s emotional state was so worked-up that it enabled him to break his own record by calling me “nigger” at the faster than lightning pace of 47.3 times per second. His flow was beyond amazing. You’d really have to hear it to believe it. This, in addition to calling me an “uppity Black bastard” - squeezed within the last tenth of a second. Whew!!! I’d like to see ANY rapper or auctioneer top that.

As far as I know, the record still stands.

Black folks! The next time a person tells you to “Go back to Africa” – start laughing your ass off - then ask the stupid son-of-a-bitch…

“Is that all you got?”

Saturday, May 8, 2010

A Closet You Can Believe In

Another one bites the allegations. This time it is Dr. George Alan Rekers, an important leader of the Christian right, a minister, and a leading anti-gay activist. I’ll bet you can’t guess what they say the good doctor was doing. Well – he was seen hanging out with a known homosexual person at an airport – the both of them returning from a 10-day European vacation. A person that goes by the (nice) name of “Lucien” who was hired by the good doctor as a “travel assistant.”

The doctor denies any impropriety (of course). “Lucien” was available for work, and was hired through a (gay) website called “” Hmm, sounds innocent enough. Dr. Rekers recently had surgery, and he needed an assistant to help carry his luggage. Plausible? Plausible.

But in a Miami New Times article, we find that “Lucien” (allegedly) did not carry luggage, and he was paid to do nude body rubs. “Lucien” (a prostitute) believes the good doctor is a homosexual. And “Lucien” remarked – “In all honesty, [Rekers] should disassociate himself from these [anti-gay] groups.” Wow. Why did he say that?

Could it be that in addition to the body rubs – they were possibly doing "homosexual stuff?” With Dr. Rekers? I don’t believe it. I think Dr. Rekers was “ministering” to “Lucien” about the sinfulness of the gay lifestyle. That’s what I think. I mean – he is a minister. Right?

And what the fuck is wrong with a “nude body rub?” My God…

Just to show you as an example of how those conservative “family research” groups are nothing but a bunch of lying hypocrites: The misleadingly-named Family Research Council (this joint was founded by slick conservative fascist - Dr. James Dobson) removed all language from their website, regarding Rekers’ role as a founding member.

Those bastards took that shit off real quick.

According to Wikipedia, “they [FRC] also posted up a release denying any association with Rekers for over a decade, stating that ‘while it’s extremely disappointing when any Christian leader engages in the very activities that they “preach” against, it’s not surprising. The Scriptures clearly teach the fallen nature of all people.” But look at how those (ahh... Straight?) Christians are treating him. Would Jesus do this?

Dr. Rekers is also an officer of “NARTH” (National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality). This outfit claims to be able to convert homosexuals to heterosexuality through some kind of “conversion therapy.” Sounds phony to me. And even if it did work - if I were gay, I would not undergo the therapy... I couldn't take some preacher son-of-a-bitch converting me from homo to hetero, and then telling me I can’t get any pussy because of some “abstinence” crap. Fuck that.

I'll always believe that claims of sexual-orientation re-do’s are bullshit. But, if they really are able to do this - I think outfits like NARTH are missing an opportunity... Instead of keeping all of those “proven” tools and techniques inside an organization, maybe they could assemble all the core materials: A cross, an abridged Bible containing the pertinent verses to be recited, holy water, a whip, handcuffs, a special condom to prevent masturbation, a poster of Ted Haggard, etc…

Put all this together as a kit. Sell it for $29.95 at Walgreens, CVS, and Walmart. Call it “Gay-Away” or “Homo-Evictus” or something. I am sure some marketing firm could come up with something catchy.

That way, if one’s son or husband starts to hot-flash and generate homosexual urges, or suddenly develops an uncontrollable desire for high-heels, or if he inexplicably "must" re-decorate the house - those urges can be eliminated by a simple run to the drugstore and $29.95.

Cheap, quick relief. They would sell a billion dollars of this shit the first week on the market.

But getting back to this (alleged) jerk-off… Those anti-homosexual homosexual Christians like Dr. Rekers simply fascinate me. They spend their Biblically-stunted, humanity-repressed, closeted lives trying to make life more nasty and miserable for the un-closeted ones. They are the ones that are anti-life, anti-freedom, and anti-family. The un-closeted are the real Americans, the actual moral heroes in this.

Religious Motherfuckers (new noun)... This is America!!!

Where every son-of-a-bitch is supposed to have the freedom to live who he is, and be able to go where HIS life wants to go, not where YOU meddling, hypocritical assholes believe he needs to go.

Fuck all Bible-thumping, anti-Constitutional liars.

As you can see - they cannot possibly live according to their own (professed) beliefs. They then want to turn around and tell everybody else what to do. Fuck YOU. Religious Motherfuckers need to stop faking, stop fucking with other motherfuckers, trash those stupid-assed Bibles, and work on becoming actual Americans.

Come out of your bullshit closets, step into freedom  – and, just be who you are.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Sarah Palin - Part 5

Looking back and reflecting on some of the novel aspects of the 2008 presidential campaign. One of the things that really sticks in my mind is the fact that Sarah Palin is an open "holy-ghosting" Christian (for real), that preaches abstinence out front. While at the same time toting around a daughter that was (and still is) giving away pussy out back like haloween candy, and was pregnant (and will be again).

Is this Republican politics - or what?

Saggin Ass

Maybe because it is my age or something - but I am so confused about this "sagging" stuff. I mean, the main stylers of this "style" are supposed to be the most macho of our [Black] race. They say this is "gangsta" - but it looks so - well - GAY. But maybe it isn't. In Chicago, I don't see many guys that are openly GAY doing this "sagging" thing - I really don't. The gays, on average, are actually more masculine in their dress than the average Black heterosexual. Is this the new "macho?" The new "gangsta?" Somehow - I just don't see Al Capone or John Gotti rolling like this.

It is like these guys are signaling or inviting others to make some kind of contact with their asses. "Here's my drawers man - come and get it." That can't be it. Right? But their pants are "down" and "low" - aren't they? Not a homosexual flag?  Are we sure that this is not an invitation to get it "up the ass?" You sure? OK... Maybe their asses are so hot, they need to get additional cooling before their pants burn-up.

"Smoke!!! Pull um down man! Pull um down!"

This practice also (to me) looks; "BUSTED" - "LOST" - "HOPELESS." "No way do I know where I am going man - and don't want to know..." A 25 year-old man emulating the sartorial habits of a 2 year-old with a full diaper (I have met a few that are 40 years of age that do this -  and yes, I call it properly: "The Full-Diaper Look"). The more extreme stylers of this look have the actual tops of their pants FULLY UNDER their asses, and then stabilised with a fancy belt. I mean, full ass with colorful underwear OUT! "Sir - are you SURE you don't want it up the ass?" WOW. I am now supposed to regard (for real) a grown man as a serious individual that intentionally walks in public with HIS PANTS DOWN.

"Cultivated infantility" - shall we say?

Any woman(!?) that would date a guy dressed like this has to be actually retarded herself, or have some other intractable mental issues - she's got to. What masculine attraction does she see here? His pink and blue underwear? This is a man? Really?

Do "saggers" pay child support?


Believe me - once some gangsta rapper pushes the idea hard enough, these same guys will seriously be wearing (Nike) skirts and panties next ("saggin' skirts?"). I mean, they already wear earrings, and some even sport long fingernails now (how cute!). I think we are now witnessing the full-press "bitchification" of the heterosexual Black American male.

Why not go all the way?

(I do understand that in old times past, earrings for men was a regular and normal thing. That was culturally phased-out over time because of practical military and personal defense reasons. Any kind of piercing provides an adversary with more points, or opportunities to put a hurting on you via damage by tearing, or amplifying and reinforcing the pain of a blow because of the presence of metal on or in the skin. RIP OUT - a nose or ear ring. PUNCH HIM - right square on his brow or lip piercing... BOOM!!! - AAHHH!!! Get the picture?)

At a wedding (no less) - I saw an individual so invested in this look, that he was "sagging" the pants and cummerbund to his (purple) tuxedo. A tuxedo that precisely matched the color of his purple Nikes. But I must give the purple tuxedo brother credit however - he had made for himself, an inconceivable and probably unprecedented objective, and the brother accomplished this objective superbly. MAN. Talk about being a witness to something new and different...

Another confusing thing I was witness to: The saggers always seem to wear the loudest colored and boldest design underwear they can find (so that folks CAN notice it?). But when a guy actually NOTICES IT, and expresses his attraction to it [the ass] - now the sagger has an attitude and a "real" reason to fight ("I ain't no fag man!!!"). I witnessed such an encounter at a mall. It was as incredible as it was interesting.

But you know... At this age, I have finally learned that "incredibility" is one of the great things that add surprise and interest to the living of life. And anything that you yourself may find to be, or deem as "stupid," or "dumb-assed," or "tasteless" - others may find that very thing to be just what they are looking for. For example - it is like a long time ago, I was in a leather store, and there was the first time I saw a Pelle Pelle jacket. I examined it, then said to myself: "This some stupid looking shit - who would be dumb enough to wear this crap?" Now you see Black folks everywhere wearing this stuff...

You see?

Maybe "sagging" comes under that category.

What if they have to run? Looks complicated. I would love to see how you pull off a getaway with your pants like that. I am sure I am wrong.

Am I?

Someone - please give me a reasonable explanation for this.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Drill Baby Drill

Have you noticed that there has not been a peep heard from the normally loud and opinionated "drill baby drill" crowd, ever since the recent oil spill fuck-up in the Gulf of Mexico?

Sarah Palin,
John McCain,
Rudy Giuliani.

Quiet... Strategically mute and vacant, these folks. Along with their now strangely silent, politically inert, "ditto-headed" sycophants.

"President Obama: I hope you have learned something from this. Any time you listen to, think about, or yield to Republican wishes, something is bound to blow-up, wash-out, or sink. When the blow-up, wash-out, or sinking occurs - they'll stand (far-off) to the side and look up at the clouds with their hands in their pockets (whistling and shit). And THERE you will remain - alone, in the spotlights, before the people, to clean-up. 

Isn't that what's happening now? Isn't it?"

Yes... Is the correct answer.

Stop listening to those snake motherfuckers, and go forth with the progressive mandate that the people have given you.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Best Opinion Ever!

"parkerlangvardt - Aside from all the hating on both sides of the argument, if you can't agree that people in the church should be required to report child molesters to the law, you are a sick fucking motherfucker. How can anyone tolerate a "moral authority" who fucks children? I'm not religious, but I have no problem with religious figures who actually practice what they preach, as long as what they preach is truly moral."

A YouTube viewer's commentary regarding the Catholic Church and the child molestation controversy.

Check out the related video via the link below: