"Go Back To Africa"

I was talking with an associate recently about a verbal incident that culminated in him being told to “go back to Africa.” I thought he was unnecessarily upset – he should have looked at it as a joke. Anyone that says this has either "run-out," or never even had a decent insult... A real dumbass. I am an avid literacy-lover that appreciates the sheer linguistic artistry of a good insult. Really - if you are going to take the time to insult me, say something that I can appreciate (and steal).

The funny thing about the “go back to Africa” hardball, is that in my own experience, this insult is usually thrown by white people that have not been in the United States very long, and do not know English very well. Ninety per cent of the time when this ball was hurled my way – it was usually from someone with a heavy Eastern-European accent.

“Spell Africa!” I would retort.

“Ssspeeel Aaafrikka?!!!!!!” They would respond. “Aaahhh… DurrrrYOU Ssspeeel Aaafrikka… JurrYourr Bleck Mudderrr Pucker!”

I have heard of others being advised about immediate relocation to Africa by Mexicans, Laotians, Koreans, Irish, Australians, Greeks, Italians, et cetera. The common thread that seems to tie all of these self-appointed travel consultants together, is that they all have those thick “old-country” accents, broken English, and five years or less of residence in the United States. And once they gain citizenship – they boldly raise the ignorant nerve to attempt to relegate folks that were here (and working) – long before this country became a country.

None of these new immigrants seem to be aware of the fact that the American genealogy of 90% of Black people is much longer than that of most presently living white Americans. I also notice that NONE of these immigrants tell American white folks to go anywhere (why not?). I don’t know where they get this shit from. Maybe telling Black folks to “go back to Africa” was part of their citizenship training.

Who the fuck knows?

This “go back to Africa” missile flies out of white folks mouths so often that I wonder if they have lost their creativity. This shit is so old and redundant. They have been saying this “go back” stuff since we were released from slavery (“Can’t use you no more... So why don’t you leave?”). I mean – if white folks are going to continue to make a habit of insulting and cussing-out Black people, they could at least spend a little time to expand their vocabularies and come-up with more innovative words, phrases, combinations and applications.

Hey - I even know of some Mexicans that are presently learning how to say “nigger” in Chinese ("AHHHS-S-Sooo-NNigggg-uh!!! - Oh!").

"Now... Come-on white folks – you really need to step it up!"

So far in my life - as of this writing:

- I have been told to, “Go Back To Africa” exactly 57,526 times.

- Been called a “Black Mother-Fucker” exactly 853,419 times. And

- been called a “Nigger” exactly 19,658,244 times.

I keep count - so what... Now - there are points in many people’s lives that will get jaded to certain things. I’m a guy that harbors extremely “controversial” thoughts and dispenses solid but uncompromising speech. Trigger cocked, and ready to rock, right then and there. White or Black. You give ME shit, I give YOU shit, no time wasted, no dead air. Impatient and imprudent. So, a certain amount of excited invective is bound to come my way, just as a matter of course. This “go back to Africa” stuff is just one of the ways that the shit comes to me. Ok?

For example:

I met a white guy in Mississippi that hated Black people so much - he could say “nigger” at the astounding rate of 22.6 times a second.

I kid you not!

After one good conversation with me – this cracker-motherfucker’s emotional state was so worked-up that it enabled him to break his own record by calling me “nigger” at the faster than lightning pace of 47.3 times per second. His flow was beyond amazing. You’d really have to hear it to believe it. This, in addition to calling me an “uppity Black bastard” - squeezed within the last tenth of a second. Whew!!! I’d like to see ANY rapper or auctioneer top that.

As far as I know, the record still stands.

Black folks! The next time a person tells you to “Go back to Africa” – start laughing your ass off - then ask the stupid son-of-a-bitch…

“Is that all you got?”